Can I tell you something kind of embarrassing? Last week I realized I hadnt washed my hair in six days. Six days. And honestly I only noticed because my daughter asked why my ponytail looked “crunchy” and like. Ouch. But also fair.
This is the reality of being a mom right now. We’re running around taking care of literally everyone else and somewhere along the way we just… stopped taking care of ourselves. Not in a dramatic way necessarily. More like death by a thousand paper cuts. Skipped showers. Cold coffee. Holding your pee for three hours because someone always needs something.
So I started thinking about what self-care actually looks like when you have zero time and even less energy. Not the bubble bath and face mask stuff because lets be real who has time for that. The tiny stuff. The stuff you can actually do.
Because I think we’ve gotten it twisted somewhere. Self-care isnt necessarily spa days and weekend retreats. For most moms thats not realistic and honestly thinking about it that way just makes us feel worse when we cant do it.
Real self-care for moms is more like… brushing your teeth before noon. Drinking water thats not leftover from yesterday. Sitting down for five minutes without anyone touching you. These are wins. Im serious.
The bar is low because it has to be low right now. And thats okay. Meeting yourself where you are is part of it.
These are for the really hard days when you have basically no time but you need something.
Drink a whole glass of water. Not sips throughout the day, an actual full glass all at once. I know this sounds dumb but when was the last time you did that? For me its been awhile. Your body needs it and youll feel better almost immediately.
Step outside for sixty seconds. Doesnt matter what the weather is. Just stand there and breathe. Look at the sky or whatever. My neighbor probably thinks Im weird because I do this in my bathrobe sometimes but I dont care anymore.
Wash your face with warm water. Not a whole skincare routine just water. Maybe splash some on the back of your neck too. It resets something in your brain I swear.
Put on actual clothes. Or dont. But sometimes changing out of the pajamas you slept in helps you feel more like a person. I have specific “day pajamas” which is maybe cheating but it works for me.
Three deep breaths. Thats it. When youre about to lose it just stop and do three slow ones. In through your nose out through your mouth. It doesnt fix anything but it gives you a second to think before you react.
Maybe the kids are watching something or napping or your partner took them outside for a bit. Heres what to do with that time.
Take an actual shower. Not a quick rinse, a real one where you just stand there under the hot water for a minute doing nothing. I sometimes put on a podcast in the bathroom and just let it play. Its the closest thing to alone time I get most days.
Eat something. While sitting down. Without anyone asking you for bites of it. I know this sounds basic but half the moms I know eat standing up over the sink picking at their kids leftovers. You deserve a meal you actually chose for yourself.
Call someone. Your mom or your sister or that friend you keep meaning to catch up with. Not texting, actual talking. Human connection matters and we forget that when we’re in the trenches of motherhood.
Sometimes I use this time to just sit in my car in the driveway scrolling my phone and you know what? Thats valid too. No one can find me there.
Self-care isnt just physical though right? Our brains need attention too and mine has been running on fumes for years at this point.
Stop saying yes to everything. This took me forever to learn. You dont have to bring cupcakes to every school event. You dont have to host the playdate. You can say no and the world keeps spinning. I promise. People forget you said no faster than you think they will.
Lower your standards temporarily. The house doesnt need to be perfect. The laundry can wait another day. Mac and cheese for dinner three times this week is fine. Survival mode is real and sometimes you gotta just accept that youre in it.
Stop comparing yourself to Instagram moms. Or any moms really. You dont know whats happening behind the scenes. That mom with the perfect playroom might be crying in her closet every night. We’re all just doing our best and comparing your worst moments to someones highlight reel is a losing game.
I deleted Instagram off my phone for like two weeks last month and I’m not gonna lie it helped alot. Might try it again soon.
Everyone’s different so take what works and leave the rest but heres whats been helping me lately.
Going to bed earlier. Even just 20 minutes earlier than usual. I used to stay up late because it was “my time” but then I was exhausted and angry the next day which defeated the whole purpose. Now I try to be in bed by 10 most nights. Try being the key word there.
Having a show thats just mine. My husband and I watch stuff together but I also have shows I watch alone on my phone with headphones while everyone else is asleep. Its dumb but it feels like a little secret thing thats just for me.
Buying myself flowers at the grocery store sometimes. Theyre like $5 and they make me happy. No one else is gonna buy them for me so I do it myself now.
Oh and I started keeping a water bottle on my nightstand. Such a small thing but I actually drink more water now because its right there when I wake up. Game changer honestly.
Because you will. Mom guilt is real and it shows up every time you try to do something for yourself. At least it does for me.
Heres what I keep reminding myself. You cant pour from an empty cup. I know thats like a cliche thing people put on wooden signs at HomeGoods but its true. When I’m running on empty I’m not a good mom. I’m short tempered and distracted and I yell more than I want to. Taking ten minutes for myself makes me better at this job not worse.
Also your kids are watching you. Do you want your daughter to grow up thinking moms arent allowed to have needs? Do you want your son to expect his future partner to sacrifice everything? Probably not. Taking care of yourself teaches them something important about how people deserve to be treated.
The guilt doesnt go away completely. But it gets quieter over time.
Real talk for a second. Sometimes what we call burnout is actually depression or anxiety and all the self-care tips in the world wont fix that. If you feel like youre drowning all the time or you cant remember the last time you felt like yourself please talk to someone. Your doctor, a therapist, anyone.
Asking for help isnt weakness its literally the bravest thing you can do. I started therapy last year and I wish I’d done it sooner. Just saying.
This got long sorry. The point is self-care doesnt have to be complicated or expensive or time consuming. Start small. Really small. Drink some water. Go pee when you need to instead of holding it. Breathe.
Youre doing harder work than most people realize and you deserve to feel okay. Not perfect. Just okay. Thats enough for now.
What helps you get through the hard days? Im always looking for new ideas because honestly some weeks nothing works and I just need to try something different. Let me know in the comments or whatever.
xo
